Comfort Zone, Schmomfort Zone

Comfort zone.

Two words that, on their own are benign, but when paired together create more negatives than positive.

Ok, here's the thing. Just recently I've discovered just how large the number of opportunities that I've passed up truly is. I declined offers, or didn't seize something when I saw it because it existed outside of my comfort zone. I don't mean to imply that you shouldn't have some metaphysical place to be to feel secure, but I finally came to terms with the fact that I was cheating myself out of life.

In my comfort zone, I used to have nothing but my quiet self. My self that relished fading into the background, and avoided attention at almost any cost. Then I was introduced to the Theatre. Despite what I tell people, I have a great hunger to act and sing on stage, because I feel that I would do well. The thought terrifies me, but still I want to do this.

Another aspect that I'm delving into is using piano to be the entertainment. As I mentioned a few blogs ago, piano is a hobby. I'm 98% self taught, and because of that I have a huge mental block that keeps telling me "You're not a real pianist, so you can't perform.' Long story short, I have been hired to play piano at a formal New Year's Eve dinner party at Charleys, the only gay bar in the region. When first offered the job, I panicked and tried to decline. Once I calmed down a bit I realized something. I am a good pianist. I'm a good performer. I can do this.

The owner of Charleys, David, and his partner Steve are some of the nicest men you will ever meet. I met them both at their house when I went to look at the Clav I would be playing it I accepted the job. On the car ride back to where I was parked, Steve told me one of the simplest, yet most profound things I've ever heard. "You're confidence is just that. Yours. Own it, and don't let anyone take that from you." Wow. Those words, offered in encouragement, brought about a change in how I see things. I accepted the job, and if I fail, I fail. If I succeed, I succeed. And I'm ok with that. Something I would never have been ok with a few years ago.

On a side note, David and Steve mentioned that they were looking for long-term pianists to play in the early evening before it gets crowded and crazy. Someone who interacts with the audience: sings, tell jokes, invites people to dance to this classic love song, things like that. And you know what? I think I can be that someone.

I doubt you read my blog James, but I read yours. I can honestly say thank you for inspiring me, both to create a blog, but more importantly, to be happy with myself, and the journey that I'm on. Both as an artist and life in general. Thank you for that.

I'm sorry I can't seem to write a short, light-hearted blog, but I only seem to write them when I'm having big thoughts and need to express them somehow. If you read these, I truly appreciate it.