The Light at the End of the Tunnel

And I just realized that it's not a train! This week is Tech Week (aka HELL Week) for You Can't Take it With You, the opening show of our season this year. I was asked to be assistant costume designer, and after a brief period of self-doubt, jumped at the chance.
Here's a brief rundown of the week so far.
Monday: Shit I'm running out of time for my dress for the fashion show! Get distracted for a while, work on the dress, panic when I realize that today is the first day of class for the After School Strings Program and I actually have to teach. Crazy! Finish teaching and fly across town for first dress rehearsal. Get there late, but still earlier than expected. Teach the guys how to tie a real bowtie. Watch rehearsal, solve problems, fix the damn toga.

Tuesday: Makeup class, old age project. The first time doing old age was a complete accident and turned out beautifully, but when I do it on purpose in class, not so much. More panic about the dress. French club meeting that I had to leave early to get to rehearsal. Sad. Instead of watching the show again, Tara let's me work on my dress which is due tomorrow. Work a little, text. Work some more, text a lot more. Don't get finished. Bad way to end the day. Fix the toga, AGAIN.

Wednesday: Sleep through class, so I'm not there to turn in my unfinished dress. Work in the shop, carve a stamp to fix the damn toga for the final time. Turns out great. Thanks to Gwendolyn for actually stamping the design on the toga. Teach again, much more successful this go around. Run to rehearsal, and ask if I could possibly work on my dress again. Get a lecture about how to be more productive and efficient with my time. It boils down to avoiding hand sewing, and not texting cute boys while I work. Finish the dress! Go out for Ben's birthday. LASERBLASTER!!

Thursday: Sleep in, go to fashion show on the quad. Dress looks great, awesome model Sammee, still texting boy, dress rehearsal for symphony tonight.

Friday: Breakfast with the costume shop crew, concert in the evening. And then...FREEDOM!!!

Now to plan social interactions to happen on my free time...

An order of happy with a side of giddiness? Yes please!

"On the whole, the happiest people seem to be those who have no particular cause for being happy except that they are so." William R. Inge

This quote was the Facebook status of a friend of mine earlier today, and it got me to thinking. The last few months have been a grand personal journey for me, and through it all I realized that somehow I had grown cynical. Looking back I can't say that I've always been the most positive person, but I remember being a child, and the only worry I had was what friend to play with that day. I remember finding joy in the simplest of things, and that is a quality that I had lost. In trying to regain, if only partially, that ability to be genuinely happy, I've learned to do things because I think they would be fun, and not let myself my hindered by how I thought others might view me. Things like, dressing up in funny clothes or jewelry while I'm working in the costume shop, or skipping down the road, should I feel so inclined.

I feel that at this point I should let you know that I have bouts of depression from time to time, and recently went through one of my lowest points. That had a major impact on how I view the world and try to live my life. But as they say, without the dark, how can you know what light is? I feel that it is because of the low points in my life that I am able to enjoy the little things: A breeze through the leaves of a tree, or watching a flock of sparrows as they bob along the ground searching for seeds. Things that I enjoy, mostly because of their subtlety, in that I'm forced to take a step back and relax before I can even notice them.

I'd like to leave you with a list of things that make me happy, in hopes that you will take the time to realize that which makes you happy.

Children's laughter, sunsets, sunrises, learning new things, learning to be ok with the fact that I can't do something well, music, dancing, laughing at myself, making others happy, teaching, having a conversation, being surrounded by friends even if we're just hanging out, going for walks, being in nature, seeing students of mine have breakthroughs in their understanding of a concept, rainbows, rain, knowing that I have a supportive family, making new friends, helping others, being a shoulder to cry on or an ear to talk to, puzzles, solving those puzzles...

Really the list could go on ad nauseum, so I think I'll stop there, and leave you with this final question:
What makes you happy?